After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
