last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize