Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
