exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
