And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
