Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
