1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
