I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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