I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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