took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize