his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
my liver is dry heaving
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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