HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
