She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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