yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
