Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize