you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
