when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize