i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
