I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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