Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
