dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Non-Jews are for practice
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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