I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
