she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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