Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Two words: blizzard sex
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
