Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
