WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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