I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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