hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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