girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
