If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
