sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
