My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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