Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
