thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
