drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
