Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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