I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
