I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
