okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
