Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
