I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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