I wish my penis had an off switch
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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