At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
