im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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