chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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