I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
