He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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