I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
