this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
