Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
