His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize