I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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