I want to make a zoo with you.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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