I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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