As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
