did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize