So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
