I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You were trust falling into bushes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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