forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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