Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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