Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
