I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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