Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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