You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize