Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
