I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
