Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
now i know why i became what i already was.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
