based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
