So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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