I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
