ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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