she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
