Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
