U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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