she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
