I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize