I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
