I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She's the barista slut.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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