You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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