I hate all girls vehemently.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
