THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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