Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
