What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
