Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
