worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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