One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
