I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
